In moving through some difficult situations recently, I realized that I’m the one, and the only one, who makes my life hard. The way I choose to see things and the attitude I choose to have in any moment dictates how much ease or difficulty I’m going to experience. Conversely, I can also make my life easy and fun by the way I think about it. I profoundly experienced this recently when I was having a hard time getting along with someone. I knew that whenever there’s difficulty on the outside it’s because there’s something going on within me; rarely does it actually have anything to do with outside events or other people.
I knew with certainty that I didn’t want to continue feeling resentment toward this person, so I began to honestly ask myself what was causing these feelings. And I allowed everything that came up to have its say. The predominant thought that surfaced had to do with my attractiveness and self-worth. I felt diminished next to her, that somehow her beauty overshadowed mine. I decided in that moment that this was simply a thought and I can change it. I decided to think instead, “We can co-exist and be equals.” The moment I had this thought, I felt a whoosh of relief sweep through me. Suddenly I knew I was over those negative feelings, and I felt different, more at peace. I knew I’d changed. And this was confirmed the next day when I was interacting with her and felt no resistance or negativity. In fact, I felt neutral and we got along just fine. It was a small thing, but miraculous nonetheless.
I tried this again a few days later with another challenging situation. I kept asking myself why I was feeling the way I was feeling and where was it coming from. Once I got clear on the what and why, I rewrote my inner scripts so that they were positive thoughts. I kept rewriting it until I felt better. And once again, the situation miraculously dissolved, leaving me with peace and calm.
The best way to change others is to change ourselves. I absolutely know this to be true now. It’s what we tell ourselves that defines the quality of our lives. And by changing the way we think and feel, we can change our outer circumstances.