Last week I wrote about discovering that I can choose my emotions. Since then, I’ve been playing with this new discovery. It’s fun being in charge of my thoughts and feelings. At any moment I can choose to feel happy and successful. Invincible, even. I’m reading a book that says all feelings originate with a thought, and this is true for me. I start with a thought, “I want to feel happy”, and a sweet sensation trickles from my head down to my toes. Success feels like a burst of fireworks inside my chest.
Before this, my thoughts were like runaway trains, going off wherever they wanted, and usually in the negative direction. I had no control over them. A lot of times I would simply feel bad and not know why. To be where I am now, choosing what I want to think and being in control of my feelings, is a miracle.
I still have moments when sad memories overtake me. They come up uninvited and I get sucked back into them, playing out the dramas as if they were happening all over again. What’s changed is that I can snap out of it faster and become aware of what’s happening in my mind, know that it’s not real, and then choose what I want to do with it. This is the miracle – being able to choose.
I’ve known for a long time that how we think dictates the quality of our life. But until now I wasn’t in full control of my thoughts and, by extension, my outer world. I just knew that there was a vibrant, happy version of me waiting for a chance to come alive. I just didn’t know how to bring her out.
Well, this week I did it. Last Friday, I decided it was time to be the ideal self I’ve been envisioning. The vivacious, happy, outgoing person I always wanted to be came to life. I consciously directed all of my thoughts to support me in this change. Throughout the day, I kept thinking and feeling happy. My smiles came more easily. I instinctively talked louder and wasn’t worried about who heard me. Words flowed from me – no more searching for the right thing to say. My co-workers were more attentive, and the day simply felt easier.
I have more practicing and adjustments to do before this new way of being becomes permanent. There may be bumps along the way, and that’s okay. I’m excited. All the work I’ve been doing is finally coming together. I feel blessed.