Until you make peace with who you are, you’ll never be content with what you have. – Doris Mortman
I realized a few days ago that I’ve been resisting the parts of my life that are not going well. Instead of accepting them and myself, I only focus on what should be. My finances should be better. I should be living in a bigger, nicer place. At this point in my life, I should have a solid, well defined career. I should, I should, I should. Not once have I taken in what is. Until this week.
I’ve learned that the easiest way to solve problems is to: first accept them as they are; and then allow myself to feel whatever the situation brings up. I do it all the time with small problems – irksome things at work, rude Starbucks baristas, etc… But with my relationships, finances and career I haven’t done anything except despair over them. Not accepting things as they are makes me feel like I’m keeping secrets and that I have to make excuses for my life. I don’t want to do this anymore.
It’s become clear to me that the only way to move forward is to stop trying to change everything and simply accept what is. Okay.
I live in a small place that’s cozy, but not nearly the home of my dreams. I work at a job that’s outside of my field and I secretly feel is beneath me – I do it because it pays the bills and it gives me time to figure out what I want to do next. I don’t have as many friends as I’d like. I have credit card debts.
Just putting this here created a churning knot the size of a baseball in my stomach. I can see why I’ve been avoiding these issues in my life: they scare me and I’m embarrassed to admit them. Facing what I’d rather avoid is exactly what I need to do right now. I spent this entire weekend taking an honest look at my life. Though it’s not easy, it’s also not as bad as I thought. I’m going to continue doing this until I’m completely comfortable with all areas of my life. Then, perhaps, my life will flow in the direction of my dreams.