I keep waiting for the magnificent moment when my life is perfect. You know, that moment where I’m happy and everything is as it should be. Happiness would be my constant state of mind. Every one of my relationships would be fulfilling, and I’d get along well with everyone. I’d live my life vibrantly, flamboyantly. Money would be easy.
I keep looking for this to happen. And maybe it’s the waiting that makes it so elusive. I’m living for another moment, a moment always in the future. However, when I take an aerial view of my life, I see major shifts. Some of the changes are so big they’re actually seismic. For instance, I used to be plagued with a habit of revisiting painful moments from my past. I would replay them over and over, and they’d feel so real that it was as if they were happening all over again. I did this most of my life, and it was so ingrained that even though I wanted to stop, I didn’t know how. Well, I don’t do that anymore. Through tremendous effort, I broke the habit. At the time I never thought I would be able to, I thought I would be stuck with it forever. Changing that part of me was a seismic shift. When I take a grander view of my life, I see these big changes. I need to keep reminding myself of these achievements.
Part of my dissatisfaction stems from undervaluing my achievements and over inflating my challenges. When I reach a personal goal, I lightly pat myself on the back. While my challenges get all of my attention and energy, making them seem even bigger than they are. We probably all do this sometimes – lose sight of the bigger picture and lament our shortcoming. Perhaps some days are for forward movement and others are for reflection. This reminds me of a Buddhist saying: “You, more than anyone else, deserve your love and affection.”
Perhaps kindness and self-love is what is in order for all of us at this moment.