The writer Katherine Mansfield wrote:
Everything in life that we really accept undergoes a change. So suffering must become love. This is the mystery. This is what I must do.
This is what I must do too.
I have a hard time embracing events in my life, especially things that I don’t want. I end up holding on, ruminating on it, and wishing over and over it were different. Some things I’ve held on for years. Putting all of this into words here makes it sound ridiculous, but it’s such a natural thing for me to do that I don’t realize I’m doing it until it tires me out, and then I get frustrated by how much time I’ve wasted on wishful thinking.
The reason I hold on is because of my fear of letting go. To truly accept and release something you have to look at it fully and acknowledge it without any filters. You have to allow yourself to walk through the fire without any protection for your ego or your heart. It means having to embrace pain–like letting go of a relationship because he’s not coming back, or acknowledging that your client has move on to someone else.
This terrifes me. What if it smashes me in to a thousand pieces? Purposely walk toward pain? No thanks. But this is what true acceptance requires: embracing discomfort. It’s the only way to live fully. I know this because whenever I’ve truly accepted and let go, my life flowed smoothly and problems miraculously solved themselves.
Let me be brave.